I have her number. And now her voice.

In 1999 I came to Austin, Texas from the great cold north. Literally. It was cold and definitely north in Michigan. My first cell phone. I remember when I went with a couple people from my new team to get new cell phones (most of us, our first cell phones.) I got a really cool number with repeating digits. I liked it. That was, until the calls started.

Ida Mae Trotter (not her real name — I made up at least part of the name) was apparently the previous owner of the digits I inherited when I got my phone.

At first, the bill collectors seemed very understanding. Oh, sorry. We’ll take you off the list and get this corrected. Every year, starting after about 3 years, with waning frequency over the more than two decades since, I would get a chuckle out of another caller searching for Ida.

Over the years, I would change the story to make it more interesting. At first, Somali pirates had taken Ida on a greek cruise ship she went on with her senior friends, and I, as her only living friend, kept her cell charged in the event that some day the pirates released her and she would want this phone back. Most were very sad to hear that she had been kidnapped and wished her well. I suspect, perhaps not that well, but hey, maybe people are not that disinterested in others lives… right?

Later, the FBI was involved and I was an intern at the bureau, looking for clues in the disappearance of Ida Mae in the Y2K blackouts and when the phone would ring, I would ask if I could transfer them to an agent who could ask them a few questions about when the last time they had spoken with Ida was. Nobody was ever really keen on that call… I think I had exactly zero takers to make that connection with an agent, which was, in hindsight good because I didn’t know any. I did get some suggestions about how she may be hiding out from bill collectors, and I thanked them and said I would pass those tips along.

Then later, as the years progressed, I became content to just break the news to the caller that surely Ida was dead. After all, she had been pursued by whomever these people were for over a decade without any luck. Most were very sad. Some were hopeful that Ida would turn up. I’m guessing she owes those people more than a few bucks… but still… selling debt for pennies on the dollar, surely it’s down to a handful of dollars by now.

It was a running joke with my family and friends. Every year (and sometimes more often) I would have to make the calls to reconnect with friends and loved ones because an “Ida-hunter” had emerged again. We all got a great laugh out of it and it became a reminder to me that I needed to do more to talk with my friends and family.

The phone was not the only place I would encounter Ida. In more than one store customer loyalty program I have had issues because Ida also was a customer there and obviously had neglected to update her phone number with a new one. I have no idea other than maybe she really is dead why she didn’t do that… other than in my own experience, the phone number is an identifier and not because they are actually going to call you. None of the callers had ever been from customer loyalty programs.

Fast forwarding to the more recent times, the phone has been hot with text messages for Ida. Getmomsoutforthevote.com (not exactly) was texting the other day to get me to drag Ida out to the polls. I looked them up and then texted that I had a change of heart and was now out to vote for Biden-Harris. I have been hit several times by this message and replied back with variations of the same for the past weeks. The other day, I got a smiley face emoji back. I guess there are subversives in every group.

Today, Ted from Roger Williams’ Republican campaign (his real name, Roger, who knows about Ted) came knocking on the phone to tell me that Julie Oliver (Democrat) was trying to take away my health care. If Ida is alive, I hope she’s surely aware that Democrats are not… it’s a Republican lie starting at the top with Trump and his justice department and all sorts of wealthy senators, Mitch McConnell included, who want to take away your health care given by a Democratic (Obama-Biden) administration because who knows what bat sh*t crazy reason they have is (if they even have a single one)… so to do her a favor, I let Ted know.

“Bet you wish you had not tied yourselves to that boat anchor president. I will have to wait for post-Trump Republican party to invent itself before I can trust a damn thing that comes out of your mouths. Every word is an out and out lie.”

I think Ida would be proud. Ted is probably gobsmacked. About time they heard something other than the echo of their own ideas coming back on the text chats.

If there’s honestly anyone alive today who believes Trump has a health care plan ready to replace the Affordable Care Act despite having control of the Senate and 4 years to have an infinite team of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters pecking away, I’d like to tell them a thing or two about what happened to Ida.